As we are born to live,

We live only to learn,

We learn only to love,

and the only love there is

Is one that lasts forever.

 

I saw this poem 8 years ago, walking along orchard road. It was on a sign next to one of those those people who stand very still and seem to embody all the pain of the world. This silver guy was holding a skeleton in his arms and the poem was written on a sign next to him.

I must have stood there for 5 minutes, crying. looking at this silver guy and his skeleton love.

I memorised the poem and kept it in my email signatures so that I would always be reminded of it.

I need to remember now.

I walk slowly to the gates and stood outside for a while. There are high walls and a huge iron gate with chains and locks. The mist is so crazy I cannot see my hand in front of me. The biting cold dries my skin and makes me sad. I’m scared and try to run, but the healer is beside me and stands there holding me, refusing to let me run again. Again I stand there feeling confused and irritated, wondering to myself how insane I can actually allow myself to be. I stand there for a long while, waiting for an answer. The healer stands by patiently. Ready to stop me again. Waiting to answer my questions, but allowing me to do it on my own. I realize that in an instant.

 

I realize that all I have to do is will it. Like everything else. I imagine the huge locks disintegrate into dust, and they do. I imagine the huge chains become string, and they do.

 I push the huge gates open, and I realize that they disappear too as I walk through them.

 

The mist clears with every baby step that I take. I see further and further in front of me. I step onto the path that feels warm and inviting under my bare feet, and I realize that the rising sun has warmed it, and the cold has disappeared. As it rises behind me, the sun clears the mist and I see a beautiful garden with all every colour I can imagine. There are dark red roses, orange hisbiscus bushes and yellow sunflowers next to pink daffodils, the green bushes that hold sky blue irises, the lavender that sweetens the air and relaxes me.

 

I smile and feel the warmth of the sun, and take in the sight and fragrance. I put my nose against the comforting roses and I can hear the birds’ song of joy. I hear a river nearby and run to it and feel its warm and cooling water on my toes as splash around with delight.

 

I am home.

 

The healer smiles and I know what that smile means.

 

And I hear the laughter.

"Build thee more stately mansions, O my soul….Let each new temple, nobler than the last, Shut thee from heaven with a dome more vast, Till thou at length art free, Leaving thine outgrown shell by life's unresting sea!"

 

~The Chambered Nautilus by Oliver Wendell Holmes ~

 

 

I saw this excerpt from this poem today and it opened me up a little bit more. It was inspired by a sea creature called the Chambered Nautilus, which lives in a spiral shaped shell in which it grows out out of each chamber and grows into a new one. As the creature grows, it must build a bigger chamber, growing out of one chamber only to be enclosed by another. The creature must create a larger chamber as it grows, and it cannot go back into its old chamber. As it grows, it must keep on creating larger chambers. But because of its spiral shape, it can grow infinitely, until at last it is reunited with the heavens.

 

 

What a grand and exciting thought!

 

My Darling Gail, Kelly, Jean, Debbie and May,

You are my cousin; this is true.

But I want you to know you're my "sister" too.

There for me when I needed you most

Opened your home to me, a gracious host.

We've shared some good times and sad ones too,

But your friendship always saw me through.

You've made me laugh when I wanted to cry

And held my hand when I could only sigh.

On this precious day as I become Vinod's wife,

I plan to be with him for the rest of my life,

But don't you dare worry, cry, or fret

He has not taken your place; that you can bet.

He will be my husband, but you are my girl,

And that you will be until I leave this world.

So always know that I truly love you

And thank God for giving me a "sister" that's true.

 

Love,

 

Nita

This is what happens when you stay up late when you heart is racing and you can't bloody well get to sleep. You switch on MSN and you hope a kindred spirit will be online to speak to you and calm your tattered nerves, and then out of nowhere, a unidentified flying thing flies in with a little flutter and lands somewhere on the table, causing a bloody rude shock so you leap out of your seat and run for cover in the kitchen and curse. Of course, there is a kindred soul online and she IMs you but you can't reply because the unidentified flying thing aka bastard creature is now spotted near your laptop. So you panic and try to get some sympathy from kindred soul who is online and wondering what the hell is going on, like so:

Dubai: hey babe.. how are you?

Dubai: I was just reading the mail you sent out.

Dubai: so are we still needed for ushering?

Me: deb!!! There's a damn bug in my house n i'm all alone!

Dubai: haha.. not a cockroach right??

Dubai: OH MY GOd!

Dubai: u got no broom or Baygone!

Dubai: GET OUT!!

After long long pause…….

 Dubai: babe.. u havent answered my question

Me: i was fighting it, i have both...thanks for reminding me!

So it was on the dining table and I had baygone and I sprayed it and watched it from a distance while whimpering to myself. The bug was jet black and it had turned onto its back and its legs were outstretched as it expired quietly.

Dubai: hahha.. How mighty of you Nita!

Me: its dead.

Dubai: issit dead yet?

Dubai: I can hear the hallejuah chorus

Me: this is blog worthy

I love my cousins cos they understand the magnitude of the problem of  tackling bugs at  3 in the morning all by yourself.<!--[endif]-->

I laughed till I cried, and yes, I stopped for a while and then thought about this conversation and then laughed again. I slept quite soundly after that.

PS. I understand.

Here we are on the Cliff. We're on our tummies and holding hands while trying to catch a glimpse of the beautiful flowers. The beautiful flowers only grow on the sides of the cliff. You can only see them if you lean forward far enough. They are really beautiful and they are what we always imagined them to be. But I am holding on so tightly to the branches and the roots because I never want to fall. I never want to be lower than where I am. But I know that if I fall, I will be able to see the flowers in all their glory, and that will make me happy. I made this decision to fall. And I have a sneaky suspicion that I'm going to love it

Yesterday the cough got so bad V took me to the A and E and they did an X ray which sucked and found nothing but referred me to the lung specialist who I have to see next week. Something must be up cos I had a temperature and they made me wear a mask and sit behind glass walls. Was given the hugest antibiotics I’ve ever seen cos I told the doctor I HAVE to be ok by the 20^th.

Life really has too many sharp corners. Cut myself pretty badly on that last corner but then again, I liked the pain. It taught me whole lot.

I opened the window and sang as loud as I could, as I had promised.

 

Away in a manger, no crib for a bed,
The little Lord Jesus lay down His sweet head.
The stars in the bright sky looked down where He lay,
The little Lord Jesus, asleep on the hay.

 

The cattle are lowing, the Baby awakes,
But little Lord Jesus, no crying He makes;
I love Thee, Lord Jesus, look down from the sky
And stay by my cradle till morning is nigh.

 

Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay
Close by me forever, and love me, I pray;
Bless all the dear children in Thy tender care,
And fit us for Heaven to live with Thee there.

 

 

 

 

 

Of Rain and beauty. Brilliant blue white and orange. Baskets. Grape Dreams. Smiles. Tears. Pure Joy. Infinite Sadness. Amazing truths. Awakening. Thank you. Come Back.